The Rollercoaster Of Love

After around 7 years being single, with only one 2 month ‘relationship’ interval, I felt ready to put myself out there and look for a partner. The 2 most serious relationships I have had have been with my children’s dads, which were both abusive and toxic relationships. In the 7 years I was single, IContinue reading “The Rollercoaster Of Love”

Why I wear black

Since I was a teenager my favourite colour has always been black. And this week I have been thinking about that. Why do I wear black? What is it that I like so much about that colour? I hear my 10 year old tell me, black is not a colour. No. It isn’t, because itContinue reading “Why I wear black”

Gaslighting

“Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person or a group covertly sows seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or group, making them question their own memory, perception, or judgment. It may evoke changes in them such as cognitive dissonance or low self-esteem, rendering the victim additionally dependent on the gaslighterContinue reading “Gaslighting”

Identity transition

Only a few years ago, in 2019, I realised age 45 that I identify as transgender – androgynous to be precise, which comes under the non-binary branch of the transgender tree. I am still on a journey trying to figure out how to express this, and exactly what it means to me, and also moreContinue reading “Identity transition”

Fighting yourself in the pursuit of love

At my core I have a deeply engrained self-loathing. My own analysis concludes that when my sister was adopted when I was only 2 years old, I must have subconsciously concluded that it was because I wasn’t good enough. I also developed a jealousy towards my sister, as she did towards me. This is aContinue reading “Fighting yourself in the pursuit of love”

Victims and perpetrators

“In order to escape accountability for his crimes, the perpetrator does everything in his power to promote forgetting. Secrecy and silence are the perpetrator’s first line of defence. If secrecy fails, the perpetrator attacks the credibility of his victim“. Herman (1992*, p. 8) These are the first lines of a chapter in my learning materialsContinue reading “Victims and perpetrators”

The attraction of rejection

Since my separation and divorce from my ex-husband I have not had a serious relationship with anyone else. I got hurt so badly that I decided it would be best to be alone. Not in the least because I nearly lost my children and I wanted to protect them from any more trauma. But slowlyContinue reading “The attraction of rejection”